No one is invincible

Dr Pavan, obs & gynae registrar, reflects on how doctors are feeling in the middle of this pandemic.

No one is invincible – Dr Pavan – 3rd April 2020

I kept busy yesterday to distract myself. So I wouldn’t have time to think of what we are all facing.

No one is invincible. We all need to protect ourselves from this virus that is taking too much from us. It is here. It is real. And it is taking people’s lives.

My colleagues and I are seeing it more frequently…on a daily basis…even in maternity. We are seeing patients deteriorate in front of our eyes. I dread to think of the long term impact this is going to have on us…on our mental health.

We are scared. We are scared for you; we are scared for our colleagues; we are scared for our families; and we are scared for ourselves. But every shift we go to work, we put our own fears aside and we do what we need to do to protect and care for you, our patients.

I have two little boys. They are confused.

Why do you have to go to work mummy when the virus is out there?
We have to stay home mummy, you have to stay here too mummy so you don’t get sick.

What am I supposed to say to that? I explain that I have to go to work to help and care for other people, but I don’t think my explanation cuts it for them. It wouldn’t for me if I was 4 or 5 years old either.

I’m trying to be strong at home for them because I don’t want them to see me sad, and I’m trying to be strong at work for my patients….but don’t be fooled, your doctors are human too.

Please continue to stay at home for us (your NHS) but most importantly for yourselves and your loved ones. Believe me when I say ICUs are getting full, if they aren’t already, and more beds may be created, but we need the staff to take care of the patients in these beds.

Stay safe, stay home and keep washing your hands.

For more wonderful reflections from doctors facing the pandemic, check out more on our Doctor Diaries.